​The above photo is one of many my son, Jesse Crossman, has taken. He has the eye and heart of a lover of nature and all things beautiful. I am honored to share the photo, as I am to share him with the world. I am honored to be the mother of children who pay deep attention to this sacred and special world and time. There is much grief, loss, and sadness to hold, yet if our moments can also be touched by one another, we can know we aren't alone; together, the weight of all things can be lifted toward the light. xo

​Sometimes, the only thing bigger than a sky 
is the moment we remember it's there;
holding space, ever-changing, always shifting.

***

There was a time: Most of my life
I considered the sky to be blue, grey, or dark
but dark meant sleep, and grey meant sad,
and blue was a Crayola crayon. 
Blue was ocean, river, morning 
then my firstborn's eyes 
and that's when the sky flew open
and I knew I'd never be able 
to see it how it had once been.
xo

​

October arrived in many ways : Tears in unexpected places at unexpected times
: There were holes in the morning glories : The window screens, and my heart

Not one thing caused any of these incidents: It was a season of too much
: Heat and hatred, death and dying, angst and anger, rain and rage

What do we call it now : Autumn, the letting go, the dead leaves underfoot 
: The knowing, the laying down of darkness, the silent way it arrives

Hold tight dear heart : Courage is within
xo

​August 2023

Tomorrow is Dad's Birth Day 
he isn't here to celebrate
so many times and places 
I miss him; he's in my bones

I know little of cellular invasion
the parts of me I shared with Mom
I know more about DNA and fusion
but still so very little, tiny like 

the start of me, Dad playing his part
the joining of bodies and the magic
that made me whole, hopefully
But still, Dad is missed

xo

 July 2023

it's hot and humid
there are smells leftover from the dogs who died years ago
the towels are damp, and it's hard to pull on a pair of jeans
but we say it was a long winter and carry-on, and marvel
at trees laden with fat, bright leaves, the rain only knocking
the blossoms and the bees as they waddle in the sweetness
it's hot and humid
and I do not like it
xo
​

 JUNE 2023


beauties and beasts of humidity 
my hair and nails curl and break
the dog can not get enough water
I can not get enough breath or air
 and still, we waited for the arrival
and so we speak about other times
 the bluebird skies of early winters
the day he was buried in the snow
xo

​

And here it is, May Day.
Soon to be Mother's Day.
A time to show the earth's abundance 
in flowers and still, the skies pale & thin.
Shadows lay down in this same vein;
 the vanity of being adored and celebrated
and they, too, will be cut; they will turn 
themselves inside out to show you love
and to remind us everything has a season. 

xo
​

March: In like a lion, they say. Out like be-damned, or a ram, but the little lamb Mary once have had must have run away with the moon. Or the fork, or a bend spoon. And so we begin April: A turn of a calendar page, if you still have such a thing? I have many, I like the photographs and heavy paper. I like turning a page and knowing it's so and sows and sews Birth Day and doing the math to guess their age. That's a lot of spin arounds, I don't say this to them. I say may it be kind, gentle, joyful. May you be held in LOVE. And before you know it the page will be turned again, and I'll remember Gramma Annie saying time slows when we don't feeling well. And I'll add that into the card saying may you be held in stellar heath (and humor, I like to add this for good measure, and do hope it comes true for all my loved ones.) And with that I press a pretty postage stamp on the envelope and off it goes. xo

who am I do suggest piñóns, romaine lettuce, blueberries are simple foods
who am I to ingest the seeds of the very trees that raised me
and the berries that grew me wild
I know I am blessed
I know I am
blessed
xo

​​SHINE

Shine was her name.
She wore it well.

​Most say she didn't stay long enough, but I know better.
Gramma Annie told me we each come into this world with a certain number of heartbeats.
Use 'em up, she told me when I was almost too young to understand, but now I do: I use them hard and fast. I ride my heart like an untamed filly; a long wild mane circles the sky. 
I carry sugar cubes in my pockets. I paw the earth to know its rumble.

xo